


How Hard Will I Fall If I Live A Double Life?

by rumxrs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kagehina and Utatake is background, M/M, the group therapy au nobody asked for, tw: mentions of mental illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5926821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumxrs/pseuds/rumxrs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yahaba is leaning against a window, and Kyoutani notices that the noise from earlier has quieted down. Snowflakes flurry against the window, falling in a paper thin coating on the ground below. They seem to outline Yahaba’s form, his skin looks fairer, and he seems almost ethereal. He almost looks approachable, to Kyoutani.</p><p>“You shouldn’t come here if you’re just going to be a dick” He says.</p><p>So much for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fifteen blows to the back of your head (Fifteen blows to your mind)

Kyoutani’s mom is going to be _pissed._

Exasperated, he lets his head fall back against the back seat of the squad car. Kyoutani has gotten into scuffles before, and his mother hates those with every fiber of her being, but this is the first time Kyoutani had gotten drunk and then gotten into a fistfight outside a bar.

They had shitty drinks, anyway.

The cop laughs, a dry, low sound. It does not sound genuine at all, just a sound that was made to fill the air.

“Your mother is really going to be mad” he says, as if Kyoutani _didn’t_ know.

“No shit” Kyoutani bites back. 

“You know, I can still drive to the station from here.” 

Kyoutani stays quiet, the cop looks at him oddly through the rearview mirror before continuing. “But I won’t.  As far as I can tell, this is a first time offense, and you’re still a minor. Underaged drinking and battery won’t look too good on your record.”

Kyoutani sighs. “On second thought, can you take me to the station instead? I’d rather not face my mothers wrath.”

The cop laughs again, that low sound that Kyoutani finds himself hating. “No can do, kiddo. I have a better idea for you.”

They pull up to Kyoutani’s home, and as Kyoutani follows the officer while the cold nips and bites at his exposed flesh, it feels oddly like a death march.

The officer knocks on the door, and Kyoutani’s mothers eyes immediately go as wide as dinner plates. They have a short conversation, and he doesn’t hear the officer mention the under aged drinking portion, for that, he’s thankful.

The officer bids his mother a good night, and Kyoutani swears he can see horns growing out of the woman’s head as she screeches his name and drags him inside, delivering a painful slap across the face.

“Do you have any idea how late it is? I was up waiting on you for hours. You can’t just disappear for hours on end and expect me to not notice! Do you think I wanted to spend nine months pregnant, just so an officer can come knocking on my door eighteen years later with my son in tow, telling me he’s gotten into _another_ fight!? What if someone presses charges? This goes on permanent records Kentarou!-” She stops short, and leans closer, looking at him inquisitively. 

“Kentarou..” she sputters “Dear God, are you intoxicated?” 

He nods, and the next slap is harsher, as if she’s trying to beat the drunk out of him. As if the guy earlier hadn’t already _tried._

“I can’t do this anymore.” she mutters as she goes to the kitchen. She returns with a cup of water and some Advil in hand, shoving it in Kyoutani’s face. “Kentarou, the officer suggested something that I think is a great idea. We’re going tomorrow, and like it or not, you’re participating.” 

Kyoutani doesn’t know what _it_ is, and he doesn’t know what he’s participating in. What he does know is that he’s too tired to argue, and agreeing with his mother would end this conversation quicker.

Thirty minutes and three cups of water later, Kyoutani trudges up into his room and falls unceremoniously into bed.

* * *

 

His hangover is _killing_ him.

Kyoutani lies awake, unwilling to go downstairs. He can hear his mother bustling in there, and doesn’t want to face her rage sober. He groans and throws an arm over his eyes, falling once more into a restless sleep.

When he awakes a few hours later, he feels significantly better. His arms and legs feel like jelly when he stands, but he ought to get this over with.

His mother is still in the kitchen, doing god knows what, and Kyoutani stands in the doorway and awkwardly clears his throat. She looks up at him and smiles, gesturing to yet another cup of water and Advil tablet lying innocently on the table, they glare at him and laugh at his pain. Kyoutani takes it gratefully, and leans against the counter as his mother prepares him a plate of food.

“So” She chirps “Do you remember anything from last night?” 

“Yes” Kyoutani lies. “I can’t tell why you’re so happy though.”

“Because” a devilish grin spreads across her face and Kyoutani gulps, _here it comes_. “You’re going to attend group therapy, Ken-chan”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” 

“Language!” She chides “You’re exhibiting signs of anger issues, Kentarou, and I’m not going to set myself up to a call from the hospital saying you’ve been killed in a brawl”

Kyoutani hates the way she says that. _Exhibiting. She’s not a fucking psychiatrist._

“And group therapy is going to help me?”

She nods.

“Help me do what? Prance in a valley full of freaks and pretend to empathize with them? I’ll pass.”

“Stop it!” She warns, and turns around, starting to scrub furiously at the dishes. She always does that, she scrubs dishes when she wants to say something but can’t. “I don’t know what else to do, Ken. You dug your own grave here, we’re going today and that’s final.” 

Kentarou sighs. “Where is it?”

“Seijou community center, we’re going tomorrow at three”

* * *

 

Kentarou immediately feels stifled as he walks through the front doors. He can hear the squeaks of basketball shoes, and hollers from the gymnasium inside. His mothers heels are clicking on the floor, making a rhythmic _tap tap tap,_ blabbering on about the dynamics of group therapy.

When they reach the doors, Kyoutani tries to steel himself and take a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever lies on the other side; but his mother is already ripping the door open and gently shoving Kyoutani inside.

There are six boys seated in a circle, a boy with glasses resting on the bridge of his nose and a pretty boy face looks up in surprise from the back of a clip board. He quickly recovers and puts on an award winning smile “Ah, you must be Kentarou Kyoutani! Welcome!”

Kyoutani can almost see the sparkles around this guys head. “Yeah”

“Not a talker? Come on, Mad Dog. Sit down” he coos

A tan boy with spiky black hair turns to glare at the pretty boy. “Oikawa..” he warns. 

“What?” Oikawa laughs. “Kyōken. See? And doesn’t he look like it?” 

“Even so, that’s rude.” 

“Whats _rude_ Iwa-chan, is ignoring our guest! Introduce yourself.” 

The one with spiky hair sighs and extends a hand towards Kyoutani, which he warily accepts. “I’m Hajime Iwaizumi. Nice to meet you.”

Oikawa throws an arm around Iwaizumi’s neck. “And i’m Oikawa Tooru, please take care of me!”

Kyoutani swears that he sees a vein pop in Iwaizumi’s head. He shoves Oikawa off and begins yelling, while Oikawa laughs innocently.

Another person with a mop of black hair and thick eyebrows walks up to Kyoutani, he’s followed by a slightly shorter male with short cropped brown hair. He gives a friendly smile. “Sorry about them, I’m Matsukawa Issei, and this-” he gestures to the person next to him “Is Hanamaki Takahiro, I’ll introduce you to everyone”

Keyoutani learns that the sleepy looking one is Kunimi Akira, and the boy who looks like a turnip is Kindaichi Yuutarou. He doesn’t quite remember anyone’s name, and he doesn’t feel the need. He doesn’t plan on coming back. But he’ll humor his mother for the day.

Kyoutani plops down onto a chair, flanked on either side by an empty chair and Turnip head, who keeps on giving him nervous sideways glances. Oikawa and Iwazumi have ceased their bickering. Oikawa smiles up at him from the back of his clip board, and Kyoutani feels uneasy.

“Things work a little differently around here, Mad Dog-chan. You’ll learn the ropes soon enough. Everyone is an open book here.”

He begins to read names off of the clip board, nicknames, Kyoutani realizes. He looks almost like an elementary school teacher calling roll, and this whole thing seems so ridiculous that Kyoutani almost laughs, almost.

“Iwa-chan?”

“Here, shittykawa” 

“I’m going to reinstate the swear jar! Twenty thousand yen per swear!” Oikawa warns “Mattsun and Makki” 

“Here, captain” Matsukawa and Hanamaki drawl lazily, in unison.

Oikawa goes through the names one by one, often leaving a small comment or a charming smile after a presence is announced. Kyoutani is bored, and he debates excusing himself to go to the bathroom and just never returning, to go live a life of solitude as a troll under a bridge. One look at Oikawa tells him that his lie will be clear as glass, and as fragile, too.

“Yaha-chan?” Oikawa calls, and he is met with silence. He waits a moment before calling again.

“Yahaba Shigeru?” 

The door slams open, and a boy with messy brown hair rushes in, breathing heavily. “Here!”.

The boys eyes immediately fall on Kyoutani, and Kyoutani doesn’t realize he’s staring until someone clears their throat.

“Tsk, Yahaba, you’re late.” Oikawa says, tone playful. 

“Watari drove me here” He offers, and Watari must be a terrible driver because Oikawa just waves a hand and tells him its understandable, and to sit down.

Yahaba takes a seat in the empty space next to Kyoutani, and Kyoutani wants to bolt. He wants to run because the smell of Yahaba’s cologne is invasive and Hanamaki and Matsukawa keep on sharing looks and they know something that Kyoutani doesn’t _and what if its about Kyoutani-_

“Would you like to start us off, Yahaba-kun? How was your week?” Oikawa says.

“I’m doing a little better, my grades are slowly improving, I just didn’t realize how much of a slump I fell into before I hit rock bottom.” Yahaba says, giving a wry smile. “This always seems to happen this time of year.” 

“You’re not alone, Yahaba” Hanamaki says. “The weather gets so gray and dreary, it’s so hard not to get swayed by it. Thankfully we have our saving grace, do you know what that is?” 

Matsukawa gives a sly smile. “What could it be, Makki-chan? I bet we’re all _dying_ to know.”

Hanamaki wipes at one eye. “It’s....Our dear Hajime’s arm muscles...”

This earns a chorus of laughter, and even Yahaba is giggling behind a closed fist.

“Really though” Matsukawa says, straightening up. “It’s-”

“Because you’re strong” Iwaizumi jumps in. “Not many others can be hit that hard by depression, and still have the strength to pick themselves back up at the end of the day.” 

“Thank you, Iwaizumi, Hanamaki. It means a lot. How was your week, Kunimi?” Yahaba asks. 

It goes on like that, with every person in the circle explaining how their week has gone, and providing motivation and commentary to whoever spoke.

Oikawa turns to him, all sun and smiles. “How about you, Mad dog?”

All eyes turn to him, burning holes. Kyoutani feels the weight of their stares and he desperately wishes for it all to go away, they need to mind their own damn business. Oikawa is staring at him expectantly and Yahaba coughs into his hand.

“Nothing you need to know about” Kyoutani finally snaps.

“Don’t talk to Oikawa like that-” Yahaba says

“It’s okay, Yahaba. He doesn’t have to say anything, we’re not here to force anything out of him” 

“And you won’t” Kyoutani grumbles.

Kyoutani is sure he hears someone mumble “anger issues” as a response.

The room goes silent, people are staring at others, with silently accusing, watchful eyes. Oikawa’s eyes flash, and he scans the crowd, looking for the source of the comment.

“I don’t have any _issues”_ Kyoutani spats, anger rising by the second. “Not like-”

“Okay!” Oikawa says, almost frantically, and claps his hands together. “Unfortunately, the community center has to cut our time for today, they’re using this room for a meeting. I’ll see you all next week.” 

Most people are out the door in a flash, Yahaba among them. The only ones left lingering behind are Iwaizumi, who is putting away the chairs, Kyoutani and Oikawa.

Kyoutani heads towards the door, but Oikawa speaks up before he can reach it. “How was it?” 

“Fine” 

“I know you don’t plan on coming back” 

Kyoutani stills, and Oikawa takes that chance to walk around him and stand guard in front of the door. “I want to see you get better, Kyoutani. What was said earlier, it was completely inappropriate and unprecedented, but it’s not far off from the truth”

“I don’t have no damn anger issues.” 

“The first step to fixing a problem is realizing you have one.” Iwaizumi chimes in.

Kyoutani makes a low growl, and Oikawa steps back from the door, raising his hands in surrender. “We’re not here to force anything out of you, I just want to make sure you’re alright”

“I’m fine” Kyoutani calls as he slams the door shut behind him.

Yahaba is leaning against a window, Kyoutani notices that the noise from earlier has quieted down. Snowflakes flurry against the window, falling in a paper thin coating on the ground below. They seem to outline Yahaba’s form, his skin seems fairer, and he seems almost ethereal. He almost looks approachable, to Kyoutani.

“You shouldn’t come here if you’re just going to be a dick” He says.

So much for that.

Kyoutani grimaces. “Who says I want to be around here in the first place?”

“Listen, I don’t know what your damage is; Hell, I don’t even know your name. What I do know is that this is a safe space for everyone inside of there. And if you fuck it up, i’m not going to let it slide” He warns, stepping closer to Kyoutani. After a few moments, he steps away, and heads towards the door.

“Kyoutani” Kyoutani calls after him. Yahaba jolts and turns his head. “Kyoutani Kentarou”  

He nods, and leaves the building.


	2. Do You Understand The Things That You've Been Seeing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Be careful” he says, to no one, and to someone in particular. 
> 
> Takeda looks up. “What do you mean, Suga?” 
> 
> “You’ll see” Suga laughs, before setting his cards on the table, revealing a royal flush.

Kyoutani stands in front of the door, debating whether to make his entrance or not. The clock reads 3:32, he won’t be interrupting. He can hear animated voices talking from the inside, but no matter what he does, he can’t bring himself to just open the god damn door. 

Finally, he steels himself, and enters the room. It’s dimly lit, a group of men are seated around a table playing cards. 

“Eh, Kyoutani? You’re here early.” Keishin says. He stands up from his table, and heads to the back of the bar, pulling a cup from one of the shelves. “What’ll it be? First one’s on the house.” 

“Rum and Coke” Kyoutani responds, fingers drumming against his knees. “Sorry, I’ll be staying a while.” 

“You’re a regular, make yourself right at home.” 

Keishin hands him the drink, and Kyoutani takes a sip, reveling in the taste. 

A couple men are arguing at the table, over an accusation of cheating, and Keishin yells at them to ‘ _be quiet or get out!’,_ Kyoutani sighs. “I missed this place” 

“You haven’t been by in a while. Why the sudden disappearance?” 

“Remember when the cops came? My mom found out and she’s sending me to some sort of group therapy. I haven’t really gone since the first meeting, but I haven’t been able to come here either.” Kyoutani says. 

“Yeah, you’re not getting drunk here anymore. You’re an adult, you should be able to handle your liquor!” 

“Yeah...” Kyoutani trails, nervously. 

Keishin looks at him quizzically. “Wanna play?” He says, gesturing to the table.

Kyoutani agrees, and saunters over to the table, drink in hand. There are a few new faces, one is a man, slightly older than Kyoutani. He has ash blonde hair, and a mole under one eye, he keeps on staring at Kyoutani and his drink, oddly. 

When Kyoutani catches him staring, he gives his best glare, but the man only smiles and looks down to his deck of cards. “Be careful” he says, to no one, and to someone in particular. 

Takeda looks up. “What do you mean, Suga?” 

“You’ll see” Suga laughs, before setting his cards on the table, revealing a royal flush. 

“God dammit” Tanaka says. “I give up, you’re too good at this, Suga.” 

Hinata and Kageyama’s jaws drop. “Suga! Teach me!” Hinata practically begs, before getting lightly shoved by Kageyama. 

The Karasuno Crow’s Bar was a small hole in the wall business, and Kyoutani likes it that way. The only business revenue comes from the regulars, and visitors who popped into town, looking for something small. It was easier to use a fake I.D. in these places. 

 Kyoutani was too far from home for people to recognize him anyway. 

“Hey, the suns starting to set. You don’t want your mom to get worried.” Keishin calls to Kyoutani. “Get on home, before I have to kick you out” 

“Alright. Thanks for the service, Keishin” Kyoutani says, dropping 500 yen into Keishin’s tip jar. 

“No problem” Keishin grins. 

Hinata and Kageyama are bickering while Asahi frantically tries to calm them down before Keishin or, god forbid, Daichi hears them. Seeing the two sets off an uncomfortable feeling in Kyoutani’s chest, a voice at the back of his mind tries to tell him what the feeling might be.

_Loneliness._

Kyoutani exits the building and crosses to the other side of the street, the sun is setting fast, and he has the passing thought to call his mother and inform her that he won’t be on time, again. 

He almost acts on the thought too, but he hears two slightly familiar voices bantering nearby. Turning his head, Kyoutani sees Hanamaki and Matsukawa exiting a bakery. Hanamaki eating a cream puff, and Matsukawa carrying a small, delicately wrapped box. 

“That’d be a great place for you to work y’know” Matsukawa comments, giving a sideways glance to Hanamaki. 

“Nah, what if they have a terrible secret ingredient in the cream puffs, and I can’t eat them anymore? I just don’t think I can take that” Hanamaki huffs. “You gotta think, Mattsun” 

“Think of the most impossible situation?” 

“Exactly”

Their voices fade into the distance, and Kyoutani stays rooted in place. He remembers the group session with a surprising clarity, he remembers that everyone there, every single person, is out _somewhere_ right now and they’re _living_ and they’re _alive._

And Kyoutani? Kyoutani is on the verge of tipsy, stumbling out of a bar at 6 pm, while his mother sits at home, thinking he’s actually making a change in his life.

Disgusted, though unsure at what, he continues down the road, aching for sleep.

* * *

 

“Seriously?” Yahaba says, eyebrow raised. 

“Shut up.” Kyoutani replies. “I can leave right now” 

“That’s all up to you, and what you plan to do.” Yahaba smiles. “Now are you coming in or not?” 

Kyoutani wordlessly follows Yahaba into the meeting room, it’s been a month since he’s seen the people gathered in the room last, save for Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

When Oikawa sees him, the smile on his face seems to light up the room, he jabs Iwaizumi’s side and says “See, Iwa-chan, I told you he’d be back!”

Matsukawa smiles. “All you did was complain about scaring him away”

Kyoutani raises a hand to the back of his head. “None of you guys can scare me anyway”

“I bet you can do the scaring for us.” Hanamaki laughs, at the same time that Iwaizumi says  _‘wanna bet?’_

Oikawa claps his hands together. “Alright, why don’t we begin. We never got the time for you to introduce yourself, Mad Dog, so why don’t you start us off?”

All eyes are upon him again, but the feeling is different. Instead of burning holes into his flesh, Kyoutani only feels warmth. Judgement and self-consciousness and everything he seeks to forget in the eye of a bottle disappear, and he’s only left grasping at words.

After what seems like a lifetime, he walks to a chair, and opens his mouth to speak. “My name is Kyoutani Kentarou, I will be going to university for my first year in April, and I have come here to figure myself out. Not only personally, but for the sake of others. Please take care of me.”

The words feel painfully fake, though he knows that they’re genuine. 

Oikawa opens his mouth, but this time, Yahaba is the one who speaks. “Don’t worry” he smiles. “We will”

Kyoutani notices small things. He idly pays attention to the soft ticks and clicking sounds that Hanamaki makes as he warily plays with random objects, whether it be from the chain around his neck to the zipper on his jacket. He watches the way Matsukawa’s fingers tighten around themselves when Oikawa mentions the word “ _Anxiety_ ”. He sees the way Yahaba’s eyes darken when the word “ _School”_ falls from his lips, his mouth curls downwards as he forces himself to speak up, as if his problems are a poison that he’s trying to spit up.

When the attention is directed towards him, he doesn’t know where to start. He finally settles on his drinking habits, his anger, he knows it’s tearing his mother up inside, and he confesses all of this, feeling guilty.

“What about your father?” Kindaichi asks, all innocence and ignorance, the two words have never seemed so close in relation before, Kyoutani thinks. 

“Don’t know what happened to him” Kyoutani grunts. Oikawa makes a hopeful sound, and writes something down in that clipboard of his, passing it to Iwaizumi.

“Do you know what makes you angry?” Yahaba asks. 

“Nothing, everything, I don’t know. I only know when I _am_ angry” 

“Why don’t you try not resorting to violence? Listen to music, do what calms you down, throwing your issues to the side only allows them to build up” 

“I know, but the heat of the moment makes it kind of difficult.” 

“Are you weak?” Yahaba suddenly asks. “You seem weak”

“Excuse me?” Kyoutani growls. “I’m a lot of things, but I am not weak”

“You’re just letting mindless anger take over. I thought you were a pretty dominant guy, but it turns out you’re just making yourself a bitch to your own demons” Yahaba says, challenging. 

The room is silent, there is a pin drop atmosphere filled with tension that is ready to burst at the seams.  In the back of his mind, Kyoutani is wondering why Oikawa and Iwaizumi are not stepping in to help, because something bad is going to happen, his skin is itching for a fight and he can _feel it._

Kyoutani stands, and with two long strides, he finds himself face to face with Yahaba, who is not backing down. “Say that to my face, fucker”

“You’re making yourself a bitch. Just like right now” Yahaba smiles, a dangerous glint in my eye. “Stop and think for a second. Take a deep breath and calm down.”

_That fucker_

Kyoutani does as he’s told, and sits down once more. Yahaba speaks to his back once he turns away. “Why were you mad?”

Glaring at the floor, Kyoutani responds. “You called me weak.”

“Good job, Yahaba.” Iwaizumi cuts in. “We can stop here.”

Kyoutani is out the door before he even finishes the sentence, with only one destination in mind.

Yahaba calls after him, but his voice is lost among the thoughts in Kyoutani’s head.

 

.

 

Seijou community center is a fourty five minute walk from his house, and Karasuno’s crow bar is a thirty minute walk from his house. Kyoutani has always been bad at math, but he knows it’s going to be a long ass trek.

The rain starts up about three quarters of a mile from the bar, Kyoutani curses, but he can’t find himself to try to run from the onslaught of water bound to come his way.

He arrives at the bar close to twenty minutes later, soaked to the bone and miserable.

Ukai almost drops his cup in surprise, and basically shoves Kyoutani into the bathroom with some dry clothes, berating him for allowing himself to get that wet.

When Kyoutani emerges, he comes face to face with Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

“Thought we might find you here” Hanamaki coos. “Don’t worry, we didn’t tell Oikawa, he would’ve jumped you.” 

“He would’ve massacred you” Matsukawa agrees.

“How dare you interrupt Iwa-chan!” Hanamaki says, trying to impersonate Oikawa.

“How..-” Kyoutani croaks.

“How? How did we find you? How can I pull off such a great Oikawa impression? How did Yahaba take it? Oh, don’t give me that look, you’ve been staring at the kid like a lost puppy” Hanamaki interrupts.

“All those questions will be answered, and more, once we get ourselves situated. Come on, we’ll buy you a drink.” Matsukawa offers, and grabs Kyoutani’s arm, gently pushing him into a booth and sitting opposite of him. 

“Non-alcoholic, of course. We can’t corrupt the minors, you all are Japan’s future, after all.” Hanamaki says, as he slides next to Matsukawa.

“How did you find me here?” Kyoutani says. 

“Mattsun and I saw you around this area the other day, you stand out.” 

“Okay..why’d you come here?”

“Oikawa was distressed, saying that he let everyone down, because you left and surely wouldn’t return _this time._ Makki suggested that we go find you, and make sure you come back”.

“He won’t force you into anything, but we sure will” Hanamaki says. “You don’t know much about the group, do you?”

Kyoutani shakes his head.

“We go there because it’s a safe haven, but nothing is completely safe, as you can see. Nobuteru Irihata started the whole thing - he’s a psychology professor - and left it up to two of his students, Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Oikawa was diagnosed with HPD back when he was in High school.” Matsukawa says, taking a deep breath, and staring somewhere beyond Kyoutani. “When he feels like he lost, he takes it upon all of us. Iwaizumi refuses to let him suffer alone, but he tries to put on a mask, and it pisses us all off.”

“He preaches, but he needs to listen to his own words once in a while.” Hanamaki adds. “Kunimi’s narcoleptic, he and Kindaichi are two peas in a pod, they’re both struggling with this massive change in their lives.” 

“Oh”. He’s not sure where to continue from here, but Hanamaki swoops in, calling Suga over to the table to take their orders. 

“What’ll it be?” Suga asks, with a genuine smile. 

Kyoutani can feel Suga’s eyes trained on him while Hanamaki rattles off his orders, and he stares right back. When Hanamaki finishes, Suga heads towards the kitchen, promising to be back shortly.

When Suga returns and bids them a good night, Kyoutani makes it his mission to finish his drink as quickly as possible and get the fuck out of there. He’s halfway through his drink when he catches Hanamaki staring at him over the edge of his glass.

“Come back” is all he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if my update was late, one of my pets just died and i've been dealing with quite a lot in the past few days. Thank you for all the positive comments though <3


	3. And you think I'm crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Best not to disturb them” Yahaba says, a twinge of nervousness in his voice. “They like their peace and quiet when they’re alone. Would you like to get some food? Or something?” 
> 
> “I ate before I came” Kyoutani says, watching Yahaba’s face fall. “But..what’s ‘something’” 
> 
> Yahaba grins. “Follow me”

He returns for the next session, and the session after that, and the one after that. Before he knows it, he’s been to too many sessions to count, and he feels himself getting better. More importantly, his relationship with Yahaba is bettering.

Kyoutani forgets his coat one day and hesitates to enter the room. It’s almost the end of March, the air is gradually turning warmer compared to the frigid and gray days of early November, when he first stepped into the community center.

He hears hushed voices, making them out as Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Kyoutani knows eavesdropping is bad, but really, when has he been good?

He catches snippets of the conversation, and leans closer to the door.

“Borderline PD? Iwa-chan, are you sure?” 

“Of course not, shittykawa. I’m not a licensed psychologist, but it seems like a pretty mild case of it.”

“A lot of the symptoms seem to align with his personality, but I don’t want to make any snap judgements. He looks like he’s getting better, telling him might just scare him off.” 

“You’re right, Kyoutani really won’t be happy hearing this.” 

Kyoutani stills, and he forgets how to breathe. _They’re talking about him? What the hell is Borderline PD? Why did they think he had it?_

“Boo” Yahaba says, appearing almost out of thin air.

“Shit, Yahaba.” Kyoutani breathes, and everything snaps back into place. “Don’t do that”

“Or what? Hm?” Yahaba teases. “Why are you back here anyway?” 

“I can be asking you the same question.” 

“I asked first”

“I asked second” 

“Shut the fuck up” 

“Okay, okay” Yahaba laughs. “I stuck behind to watch the volleyball match they’re having inside the gym. Sue me”

“I came to get my coat” Kyoutani says, gesturing to the door. “But it sounds like Oikawa and Iwaizumi are talking in there.”

“Best not to disturb them” Yahaba says, a twinge of nervousness in his voice. “They like their peace and quiet when they’re alone. Would you like to get some food? Or something?” 

“I ate before I came” Kyoutani says, watching Yahaba’s face fall. “But..what’s ‘something’” 

Yahaba grins. “Follow me”

                                                       … . .

“Okay, we’re here” Yahaba says, motioning for Kyoutani to follow. Yahaba dragged him to a park, one of the large, dense parks that seem almost forest-like. They’re sitting on top of a grassy hill, and the sun is shining bright through the cluster of leaves above them. 

Yahaba is staring, expectantly, Kyoutani realizes. “What?”

“What do you think?” He prods. 

“It’s, uh…” Kyoutani breaks off to fiddle with the blades of grass on the ground. “Very nature-y” He finishes. 

“Would you have liked it better if I took you to a dog park?”

“That sounds great” Kyoutani says, nudging Yahaba. “Let’s go, right now.” 

“Pretty forward of you, Kyoutani-kun” Yahaba says, faking a bashful expression. 

“Gross, we’re starting to sound like Hanamaki and Matsukawa.” Kyoutani says, pretending to gag. 

“Overexposure, I think. Since they got together they’ve just ramped up the PDA.”

Kyoutani’s eyes nearly bulge out of their skull. “Together? When the hell did that happen?!”

Yahaba laughs. “You mean you didn’t know? They got together near Valentines day!”

Kyoutani doesn’t remember much about Valentines day, only the small party Oikawa threw. There were disgusting decorations, and Matsukawa drunkenly stabbed Hanamaki in the ass with a (thankfully blunt) arrow.

Kyoutani blanches, and tears a blade of grass from the ground before handing it to Yahaba. “Please don’t tell me that the dumbass cupid stunt was their way of starting a relationship.”

Yahaba accepts the blade of grass, and his cheeks turn a deep red as he turns it over in his hand. He stays silent as he fiddles with it.

“The hell?” Kyoutani mutters. “You in love with grass or somethin?” 

Instantly, Yahaba’s head snaps up. “No!” he shouts, indignantly. “It’s nothing, never mind, shut up”

Kyoutani grabs a handful of grass and flings it in Yahaba’s face, silently enjoying the way his blush deepens. “Stop it!” Yahaba half yells, half laughs.

“Give me one good reason to”

“Flower language?” Yahaba suggests. His eyes go wide, at that, and he immediately clamps his mouth shut.

“What?”

“What? I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re actin’ weird, Yahaba. Like beyond Oikawa weird.” .

“Just forget I said anything, alright? It doesn’t matter” Yahaba sighs. “The sun is going to set soon, my mom would kill me if I got home late”

Kyoutani watches Yahaba stand and dust himself off, stray pieces of grass still stuck to his hair and clothes. “You coming?”

“No, I think I’ll stay here a little longer.” Kyoutani says, and he lets himself fall backwards, until his back hits the soft ground. His eyes fall shut, and the last thing he sees is Yahaba’s curious face.

“Alright.” Yahaba says slowly, anxiously, as he turns and walks away. 

Kyoutani counts to thirty, then to fourty five, then to sixty, just to be safe, before opening his eyes. He just barely catches Yahaba’s frame disappearing in the distance.

When Kyoutani gets home that night, the stars are already shining, and Miyagi’s night life is peeking out at the seams. He googles what grass means in flower language, because grass isn’t even a flower, and only one thought courses through his mind. _Shit._

On the screen, displayed in big, bold letters that seem to laugh at Kyoutani and his world ending accidental realization, two words tell Kyoutani exactly what made Yahaba act so oddly. Two words tell Kyoutani why there’s a sudden, embarassing spike in his heart rate.

_Homosexual Love._

* * *

Yahaba isn’t present for the next meeting. Oikawa assures him with a sidelong glance that it’s nothing to worry about, even Yahaba skips out sometimes.

The whole thing just doesn’t sit right with Kyoutani.

Hanamaki seems particularly fidgety, Kyotani realizes, and he watches closely when Matsukawa threads his fingers in between Hanamaki’s when they both think no one is watching. Kyoutani thinks of Yahaba and blades of grass, then Kyoutani thinks that Yahaba isn’t there, and the blades of grass turn into switchblades and bloody knuckles.

Iwaizumi coughs.

The meeting wraps up uneventfully, but Oikawa stops Kyoutani at the door and insist that he help clean up with him and Iwaizumi. It’s obvious that cleaning is the farthest thing from his mind.

The door shuts behind Kunimi with a deafening _click_ and Oikawa turns to Kyoutani. Iwaizumi busies himself by pretending to clean the already immaculate whiteboard at a far wall in the room.

“Iwa-chan and I were talking the other day, Mad Dog.” Oikawa starts. Iwaizumi flinches and turns to Oikawa with a soft glare. 

“About?” Kyoutani asks, though he feels like he already knows what. 

“Well, we just…” Oikawa trails. “Iwa-chan, you tell him!” 

Iwaizumi jumps, and he grows tense. Kyoutani can tell he doesn’t want to be put on the spot, hell, he wouldn’t want to be put on the spot either.

“Save it, I overheard you guys.” Kyoutani says, if only to dissipate the tension in the room. “You’re comin to tell me i’m crazy and belong in a mental hospital or somethin’”

“What? No, of course not.” Oikawa says. “We just think you should consider staying here, with us. I know - we know, that there’s been times in the past where you didn’t plan on returning. I’m not sure what happened the second time, but we’re all glad you came back. “ 

“Yeah” Iwaizumi agrees, placing a steadying hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. _When did he tense up like that?_ “We can’t say for sure what’s wrong, there may be something, there may be nothing. We can say, though, that staying with us will help you out tremendously.” 

“Plus” Oikawa smiles. “You’re already a part of the family. You’re Iwa-chan and I’s rebellious teenage son!” 

Iwaizumi lightly shoves Oikawa. “I better be the dad” he mumbles.

“What do you mean?” Kyoutani says, confused. 

“We’re saying that you’d better not try to run again.” Iwaizumi provides. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah” Oikawa says. “Won’t be the same without you.” 

Kyoutani scoffs, and heads towards the door. “Don’t waste my time like that. If I wanted to leave I would’ve been long gone by now.”

* * *

“Where’s Keishin?” Kyoutani asks Kageyama and Daichi the next day, perplexed. 

“Probably on some kind of date with Takeda, their sexual frustration is suffocating.” Kageyama answers as he absentmindedly cleans a glass. Daichi delivers a slap to his back. 

“Ouch! Ow, fine! They went out to scout that new bar down the street. That Nekoma place, we’ve been losing a bit of business to them and nobody really wants that.” Kageyama begrudgingly admits. 

“They’re all scared off from your ugly face” Hinata interjects slyly.

“Shut up dumbass! Nobody is coming here because they don’t want to catch your stupid!” Kageyama sputters.

“You’re always the best at insults, Tobio”

“Dumbass!” 

Kyoutani spares a glance towards Daichi and Suga, who apparently slipped in to watch the ordeal. “Are they really fighting over why this place is losing business?”

“They once fought over what shade of green our Sake bottles are” Daichi supplies helpfully.

“Amazing” Kyoutani comments dryly.

* * *

Everyone begins to get worried by Yahaba’s third missed meeting, before the meeting even began Kyoutani overheard Matsukawa and Hanamaki discussing their worries for his condition quietly.

After the meeting concludes, Kyoutani hangs back, he’s already far used to Oikawa making him stay longer than necessary.

Sure enough, Oikawa walks over to him and demands his number.

“Excuse me? The hell do you need it for?” 

“It’s a secret, Mad Dog!” Oikawa shushes. “Just give it to me!” He huffs. 

Kyoutani sighs and reluctantly hands it over to Oikawa who punches the number into his phone before shooing him out the door. He makes it a total of three and a half steps, one foot still in the air, before his phone begins to buzz incessantly against his thigh.

He digs his phone out of his pocket and glares at the 3 offending text messages.

**FROM: UNKNOWN NUMBER  
TO: ME**

Mad Dog!!!! Guess who!!!!!!!  (✧∀✧)/

**FROM: UNKNOWN NUMBER  
TO: ME**

I’ll give you a hint, he’s beautiful and charming and Iwa-chan loves him more than life itsejrgbivso

**FROM: UNKNOWN NUMBER  
TO: ME**

That was Iwa-chan!

Kyoutani grits his teeth, saving Oikawa’s number and typing out a reply.

**FROM: ME  
TO: Cocky Prick**

wat do u want

The next message is an assortment of numbers, coupled with a street name. An address, Kyoutani dumbly realizes.

**FROM: Cocky Prick  
TO: ME**

That’s Yaha-chan’s address, can you swing by there and make sure he’s doing alright? Send him my love!  ( ´∀｀)ノ～ ♡

**FROM: ME  
TO: Cocky Prick**

Why me? And chill with the kaomoji’s

**FROM: Cocky Prick  
TO: ME**

Because you’re the only one who can! Don’t question the great Oikawa-san! BTW whats my name in ur phone

**FROM: ME  
TO: Cocky Prick**

I’m omw to his place now

**FROM: Cocky Prick  
TO: ME**

Wait Mad Dog, answer my question!

**FROM: Cocky Prick  
TO: ME**

Mad Dog!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meme truck


	4. I Know You Would Make Me Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! One more chapter than expected!

It strikes Kyoutani as he’s halfway to Yahaba’s apartment complex that this will be his first time seeing the other boy since the incident on the hill. Kyoutani toes at the grass lining the sidewalk and wonders if Yahaba wanted that to happen. 

He snuffs out the small flame of hope that rises in his chest before he gets burned.

Kyoutani’s mind is screaming at him to stop, turn the other way while there’s still time, just lie to Oikawa the next time they see eachother, and future Kyoutani will deal with the consequences when Yahaba comes back.

His train of thought stops him when he reaches Yahaba’s door, and he has all of 3 seconds to turn tail and do what he does best, _run away from his problems,_ when the door slams open, nearly sending Kyoutani flying into the opposing wall of the hallway. 

Instead, he falls gracefully on his ass and stares up to the figure standing in the doorway who is- 

“You’re not Yahaba” Kyoutani grunts. 

The man standing in the doorway looks nothing like Yahaba, so it’s out of the question that he may be a family member. He has tanned skin, a black buzzcut, and large, friendly eyes which are currently widened in surprise. 

“Oh my god, i’m so sorry!” He exclaims, helping Kyoutani up. “I thought I heard a noise outside and just slammed the door open without looking, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Kyoutani grunts, dusting himself off. “Is Yahaba here?” 

The man’s eyes darken, and he repositions himself in the doorway in such a way that he’s blocking Kyoutani from entering. “He’s asleep right now, what do you need him for?” 

Kyoutani exhales, trying to keep his composure, he’s not so sure if Yahaba would appreciate waking up to Kyoutani getting into a verbal argument with his friend(?). 

Finally, he settles on a lame rendition of the truth. “Oikawa sent me.”

The man visibly relaxes, and steps out from the doorway. “Oikawa? You could have said so earlier. Come on in.” 

At first glance, the tiny apartment is nice, the walls are painted sky blue and lavender, and the furniture looks domestic. Kyoutani feels dirty and out of place just by being in there. “Pardon the intrusion” he mutters, toeing off his shoes. 

The man closes the door behind them. “I’m Watari Shinji, Shigeru’s part time roommate.” 

Kyoutani swallows the small lump in his throat that appears when he hears Watari saying Yahaba’s name like _that._ Instead of opening his mouth and letting something idiotic spill out, he opts for a question. “Part time roommate?” 

“Yeah” Watari laughs. “I stay over a lot during school breaks, but I have my own flat over in downtown Sendai. Who are you, by the way? 

“Kyoutani Kentarou, Yahaba’s friend.” He answers honestly, though his voice wavers at the usage of the word.

Kyoutani takes a second look around the apartment, he notices that the potted plant, labeled only as _Fern_ has begun to wilt around the edges, sagging lowly towards the floor. 

Watari follows his gaze. “Shigeru loves flowers, more than anyone i’ve ever met. He’s absolute shit at taking care of them, though. Most forgetful person I’ve ever met.” 

Kyoutani grunts as a response, but Watari doesn’t seem to be done. 

“He talks about you a lot, y’know. I won’t say about what, but it’s nothing bad, I can assure you-” 

A loud _thud_ cuts him off before Watari can finish, and before Kyoutani can fully process what just spilled out of the shorter boys mouth. 

“Looks like he’s awake.” Watari grins, just as a door leading into the room opens, revealing a face Kyoutani hasn’t seen in weeks. 

Yahaba is standing in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. His normally perfect hair is in disarray, his shirt is hanging slightly off one shoulder, and his shorts look like they’re hanging off of his hipbones, Kyoutani’s mind helpfully supplies. 

“Oi, Shinji, can you go out and get some - _what the fuck are you doing here?”_ Yahaba all but screeches, eyes widened in alarm.

“That’s my cue to leave.” Watari says, rising and making his way to the door. “You two have fun now!”

He ends his comment with a slam of the door, which is the only sound in the apartment for a while. 

Yahaba walks towards the center of the room, and sits down right next to Kyoutani on his couch. It wouldn’t be a problem if it was a love seat, or a small bench, but there’s feet of space that Yahaba could be sitting and Kyoutani is pressed right into the corner of the sofa, heart beating erratically from the close proximity. Yahaba must feel it too, if the flush on his cheeks are anything to go by. 

 Kyoutani is the first to break the silence, surprising both him and Yahaba. “Everyone wants to know if you’re okay”

Yahaba jolts, eyes darkening momentarily. “I’m fine, Kyoutani. I’ve just been in a small rough patch, is all.” 

“Small? You look like you haven’t seen the light of day in weeks.” 

“What I want to know” Yahaba starts. “Is why _you’re_ here. Oikawa could have just as easily sent Hanamaki or Kindaichi, why you?”

“My guess is as good as yours” 

The next bout of silence is long and awkward, neither of them look at the other, and in the edge of Kyoutani’s periphery, he can see Yahaba’s hand inching closer, before freezing, and restarting the process again.

Kyoutani huffs, and grabs Yahaba’s hand.

They still, neither of them daring to move, lest they break the atmosphere. Kyoutani can just barely see Yahaba flushing a deep red, and he’s pretty sure he feels the same.

Yahaba wrenches his hand away and shoots up from the couch. “Do you want some coffee? You look tired, I’ll get you some cofee!”

Before Kyoutani has a chance to respond, Yahaba is up and running towards the kitchen. 

While Yahaba busies himself, Kyoutani stares at the potted Fern sitting by the window. “You should really water that” he says, when Yahaba returns with two mugs. 

“I know” Yahaba sighs, setting the mugs down. “I usually just end up forgetting, even though it’s my favorite plant.” 

“Why?” Kyoutani asks.  

“It’s pretty, and it’s a Fern. A symbol of Magic, among other things.” Yahaba answers, walking towards the plant.

“How do you know that?” 

“It’s interesting, so I looked it up.” Yahaba says, walking back. “I don’t want to have you waste a trip, do you want to watch a movie or something?” 

“Alright, i’m down.” Kyoutani agrees, and immediately feels like an idiot because _who even says that anymore?_

But Yahaba just sends a sly smirk his way, and turns the television on.

Kyoutani isn’t paying attention to the movie, not really. Not when Yahaba is mimicking his actions from earlier. Kyoutani even tries to keep count. 

_Once_

_Twice_

_Fuck it_

His sudden act of boldness will be a problem for future Kyoutani to fix, he thinks, when he grabs hold of Yahaba’s shoulder and brings the taller male down to lie against his chest.

Yahaba makes a surprised noise, but makes no moves to escape their position. In fact, he makes a low hum and leans into it, guiding Kyoutani’s hands to rest on his hips. 

Kyoutani rests his head on Yahaba’s shoulder, shutting his eyes, movie forgotten. 

He doesn’t know how long they stay in the position, but it’s long after the movie has ended when Yahaba speaks. 

“Kyoutani, could I ask you something kind of personal?” 

“Yeah, what is it?” Kyoutani asks 

Yahaba disentangles himself and looks Kyoutani straight in the eye, looking awfully serious. “Do you ever wonder what happened to your father?” 

“That is a pretty personal question” Kyoutani answers

“Sorry” 

“It’s alright, and for the record, I do.” 

“Why don’t you try finding out what happened?” Yahaba suggests quietly “It could do you some good” 

“Dunno” Kyoutani says “Never felt the need.” 

Yahaba hums in acknowledgement. “It’s getting pretty late, do you want to spend the night here?” 

Kyoutani considers for a moment, then nods. 

* * *

 

Kyoutani wakes up to warmth and rays of sunlight attacking his eyelids. He tries to go back to sleep, only to discover that the warmth is moving and _breathing._ He tries to look up, but finds himself trapped against someone’s chest. 

Memories of the night before come flooding back into his mind like a broken dam. 

After the proposition, they had watched another movie, some shitty american film that couldn’t have gotten more than two stars. They ended up falling asleep halfway through.

Cue the internal freak out. Kyoutani is torn between thrashing and going back to sleep, but a strong part of him is urging him to stay still because it’s _Yahaba’s_ chest that he’s cuddling up to.

And the idea of that doesn’t seem so bad as time passes. 

Finally, Yahaba begins to stir and awaken. Soon after, he raises himself up on one arm. “Kyoutani?” 

Kyoutani rolls onto his back, grunting in response. 

“Someone’s not a morning person” Yahaba laughs “I hate to kick you out so early, but I think your mom might want to know that you’re not dead.” 

 _Shit._ Kyoutani springs up onto his feet. “What time is it?” 

“Around Eight A.m., why?” 

“My mom is going to kill me, that’s why.” Kyoutani says, while pulling on his shoes. 

“Good luck” Yahaba laughs. 

* * *

 

Kyoutani’s mom is making breakfast when he opens the front door. 

When she sees him, he can almost immediately see the hell fire in her eyes. “Do you mind telling me _where_ in gods name you were all night?” 

“I stayed over at a friends house” Kyoutani says, already regretting his decision of returning home.

“What friend?” 

“Someone from therapy” 

Her eyes narrow, but she returns to the kitchen and sits down at their table. “Really, Ken. What am I going to do with you? You’d better not be lying to me.” 

“I’m not in the habit of lying to you, Mom.” Kyoutani says, sliding into the chair across from her. “’Sides, I got a question.” 

She sighs, and scratches her head. “What is it?” 

“It’s about Dad.”


	5. Chapter 5

The Sendai City Penitentiary isn’t anything like Kyoutani expects, he thought it would be like the normal Green Mile or Shawshank Redemption type of prison, with mile high brick walls and guard towers at every corner.

The building he stands in front of now is tall, wide, and isolated. It looks more like an abandoned high school than anything, and the very thought of it creeps him out. But he’s sick of running, and he’s here for one reason and one reason only.

And that reason probably hasn’t seen a visitor for the past eighteen years.

“So, are we gonna go in or just stand here like a couple of idiots?” Yahaba says beside him.

“Remind me again why I brought you along?”

“Cause.” He smiles. “You _love_ me”.

He drags out the O in a completely childish way, and Kyoutani has to resist the urge to lightly shove the little asshole.

“No, I tolerate you. Big difference” Kyoutani grunts, battling the heat that rises to his cheeks. Neither of them have had the “what are we” talk, leaving Kyoutani’s visit and the question still up in the air.

But Yahaba had returned to group the following week, with a smile on his face that seemed reserved for Kyoutani, and everything had felt alright.

“I think it’s pretty interchangeable, but seriously, we should get inside.” Yahaba replies, grabbing Kyoutani’s hand and pulling him inside.

After the appropriate paperwork is filled out and Kyoutani’s request of “Don’t tell him who I am” is granted, they’re led to a small room by an uneasy looking guard. “You’re his son, huh?”

“Yeah..” Kyoutani affirms, gripping Yahaba’s hand, who remains silent.

“Nobody told you what he did, huh?” The Guard - Kamasaki - quizzes.

“Not really. How’d you know?”

“I doubt many people would want to visit him, especially not a family member. The first, last and only visitor he ever had was some prick of a journalist, Futakuchi Kenji. Even he couldn’t get a word out of that man.” Kamasaki spits, disgust pulling at the edge of his voice.

“That’s for Kyoutani to judge.” Yahaba cuts in swiftly, as he feels Kyoutani’s grip tighten even more.

“The judging was done eighteen years ago.” Kamasaki laughs, as they stop in front of a door. “But you can decide how to approach him for yourself. No funny business though, we have one of our top guards waiting in there.”

Kamasaki’s footsteps begin to fade away as he leaves, but Kyoutani is rooted in place in front of the door, rendered paralyzed at the prospect of seeing the man that he hasn’t heard a word from in his entire life.

_I was wondering when you’d ask, Ken._

“Kyoutani, let’s go.”

_If you want to see him, I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you where he is._

“Kyoutani, come on. We don’t have that long.”

_I’m sorry, Ken. I was going to tell you when the time was right, but it’s not that easy to tell your son something this big._

_It’s not that easy._

“It’s not that easy.” Kyoutani hears himself echo.

“What?”

“Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to find out, after all.”

“Kyoutani, no. You can’t just leave after you’ve gone this far in finding out, you’ll end up regretting it. Come on, let’s just go inside.”

“Put yourself in my shoes, Yahaba” Kyoutani hisses. “What the hell would you do if you find out that your dad has been in prison since before you were born? Fucking walk in and pretend everything is alright?”

Yahaba steels himself, and stares down at Kyoutani, and for a second, he can see the strength that Iwaizumi was talking about all those months ago. He can see someone stronger than him, and Yahaba only confirms it with his next words.

“No. I wouldn’t pretend everything is alright.” He grits. “But I would at least have the decency to go in there and get some fucking closure in my life. Christ, Kentarou, you choose the worst times to make the worst decisions.”

The air stills, everything stills, Kyoutani notices, at the usage of his first name. Everything except Yahaba. A hand immediately flies to his mouth, and his face reddens to the tips of his ears.

“Shigeru..” Kyoutani mumbles.

“Wha-”

“Shigeru” He says, louder.

“Hey, this really isn’t the time for this” Yahaba says, weakly.

“Yeah it is, Shigeru.” Kyoutani says, fighting off a small smile. “Let’s go inside.”

Yahaba grins, and before Kyoutani has a second to regret his actions, he’s opening the door and shoving Kyoutani inside.

There’s two guards standing in the room, one on either end. The shorter one has messy black hair and sharp eyes, while the taller, more buff one has an odd two-toned hairdo, sticking up towards the ceiling. His eyes scan Kyoutani for a moment, before looking away, towards the center of the room.

There’s a man seated at a table, his black hair is shaggy and lying just below his ears. Tattoos riddle his arms, which are lying on the table. Otherwise, he looks well-built, if the muscles peeking out from behind his shirt are anything to go by. Still, he looks worn from age, his back sags, as if pulled towards the floor.

His head snaps up at Kyoutani’s entrance, and one glance into those sunken brown eyes tell Kyoutani the undisputed fact. This man is his father.

They stare at each other for a while, both unmoving, both silent. Finally, his father throws his head back and releases a barking laugh that seems to go on forever. “She finally told you, huh?”

Kyoutani blanches. “How did you know it’s me?”

“Let’s face it.” he laughs. “Your mother sure as hell wouldn’t visit me, and what I did is old news. The only person who would bring their sorry ass out to the middle of nowhere is my dear son. I’m curious to know who that is behind you, though.” He explains, and gestures to Yahaba.

“Yahaba Shigeru, nice to meet you.” Yahaba says.

“Kyoutani Yasushi” He responds. “Sit down, will ya?”

When Kyoutani takes his seat, Yasushi stares him down. “You have your mom’s eyes.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah, light brown, looks almost orange. I always loved that about her, real unique. Y’know? You really grew into a fine young man.” He comments, looking at Kyoutani up and down. “Sorry..I’m sorry that I didn’t get to see you grow.”

“So am I.”

“I got locked up in here when your mom was six months pregnant. We didn’t decide on a name yet. What’d she name you, boy? When’s your birthday?”

“Kentarou, and December 7th.” Kyoutani answers, uneasily. Did his own father really know nothing about him?

Yasushi gives an affirmative nod, and the silence stretches, only disturbed by the two guards talking quietly amongst themselves.

Yasushi breaks the silence. “Nobody told you what happened, huh?”

Kyoutani shakes his head, and Yahaba grabs his hand under the table.

“If i’m lucky, I get out in less than two years. Your mom would’ve told you then, only so you can get a restraining order now that you’re an adult. You wouldn’t have come if anyone told you.”

“I might have.”

“Do you want to know, boy?”

Yahaba’s hand gives him a squeeze, and Kyoutani finds himself swallowing the lump in his throat. “Yeah..”

“It happened when your mom was five months pregnant with you. I was out late one night, at a bar…”

_“Hey, kid.” Someone behind him says, Kyoutani doesn’t even have to turn around to smell the beer on his breath, to know that he’s heavily intoxicated. They’re one and the same._

“..We were both drunk, me and the guy..”

_“Kid?” Kyoutani barks. “What do you mean by that?” He asks, getting into the guys personal space._

“…There was a small argument, you see. Between me and him. I don’t remember what it was about.”

_“I mean you’re too young to be out here, boy. I can see a fake ID from a mile away, I don’t know how you got everyone inside fooled. Why don’t you just run back home to Mommy and Daddy before Ukai gets word of your little adventur-”_

_He doesn’t finish the sentence. He isn’t able to, not with Kyoutani’s fist colliding with his face and making a sickening smack._

“..I don’t remember who threw the first punch either, probably me, if i’m being completely honest here…”

_Kyoutani sees white, he sees white and the drunken bastard standing in front of him, wiping the blood from his mouth and poised in a fighting stance. It makes Kyoutani want to laugh._

_So he does._

_He laughs at the man in front of him, and he laughs even harder when he gets a swift kick to the ribs._

_Everything fades into white noise_

“..I don’t have much self control when I fight. I become like a crazed animal, nobody could pull me off of him because they were scared of getting hurt themselves..”

_And then, sirens._

“..I thought I killed him, honestly, when I came to my senses. Couldn’t even recognize the bastard, his face was that fucked up. I got up, and I ran. I don’t remember how I got the blood off of my hands, but I did. Then I went home..”

_A squad car. Shitty drinks. The cops laughter looping inside of his head like a song stuck on repeat._

_That low, dry sound, only made to fill the air._

_Pulling up to his driveway._

“..Woke up the next morning like it was all normal. Your mom cooked breakfast and we watched the news together. Lo and behold, my story. Guy was lying brain dead in a hospital, had three kids and a wife. Your mom looked at me, and she said ‘some people’ in that really condescending tone, she didn’t even know her husband did it. That really got a kick out of me..”

_The slap across the face._

_“ Do you have any idea how late it is? I was up waiting on you for hours-”_

“…Guy died a week later. His family couldn’t afford life support, or surgery. Boy, I felt bad..”

_“I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“Seijou community center, we’re going tomorrow at three”_

“…cops came knocking at our door two weeks later. Someone gave em a tip, and now i’m here, I don’t have ties to my family, my wife, or a job. I’m just stuck in a prison cell. They gave me twenty years…”

_Then Yahaba._

_Yahaba, Yahaba, Yahaba._

“…twenty years to regret. Twenty years to remember. Twenty years for taking away that guys lifetime. Twenty years for a murder.” Yasushi says, shoulders now shaking with quiet sobs.

Yahaba squeezes his hand again, at the word. _Murder._

“I’m sorry, Kentarou. I really am, I could apologize to you, his family, your mom, the world for chrissake and it won’t take back what I did.” He says, shoulders now shaking with sobs. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Kyoutani doesn’t speak for a long time, and Yasushi’s once loud sobs dissolve into small, shuddering breaths.

When he finds his voice again, it’s small. Smaller than what he’s used to, and smaller than what he’s comfortable with. Sitting in a jail cell with your crush sitting almost impossibly quiet and the father that you haven’t heard anything of since your birth does things like that to you.

“It’s okay.” 

His words were soft, but he hears them in a deafening roar, and Yasushi must have too, because his face settles into a look shock, and his mouth hangs slightly open.

“I-I mean, it’s not _Okay,_ cause the whole murder thing but- like…you see..” Kyoutani stammers. “What i’m trying to say is…you’re still my dad, y’know. I’ll figure it out for myself if I want you in my life or not.” 

Yasushi’s eyes gleam, and Kyoutani feels a little _something_ welling up in his chest. “So..”

Kyoutani cuts him off. “I’ll come to visit you when I’m able to. I still have some free time.”

The buffer guard with the wild hair comes up behind Yasushi and places a strong hand on his shoulder. “Time to wrap it up, visiting hours are coming to a close. Akaashi will lead you two back.”

Yasushi’s face falls, for a fraction of a second. He is smiling again. “It was nice seeing you. I’ll try to be the best I can be, even while stuck in this place.” His gaze shifts over to Yahaba. “And you, take care of him out there, for me. Please.”

Yahaba jolts, and nods furiously. “Y-yes sir” he stammers out, fear clawing at his voice.

Kyoutani waves as he watches Yasushi be lead out from the room, and stands rooted in place long after he leaves. It takes an impatient request from the other guard for him to finally move.

The walk back is uncomfortably quiet, but Kyoutani reasons that it’s still better than the loudmouth from before. Yahaba stays silent, the way he’s been the entire time.

“It’s okay to talk, y’know.” Kyoutani offers when they reach the lobby.

“Yeah, sorry. I guess it is.” Yahaba laughs. “Do you want to come over?”

* * *

“Well, that must have been unexpected.” Yahaba says as soon as the door shuts behind him.

“Oh, not at all. I totally knew that my dad was in prison for fucking _murder_.” Kyoutani mutters, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that, by the way.” Yahaba says, looking away.

Kyoutani plops onto the couch. “Couldn’t be helped. It’s some sort of sick closure, I guess. Where’s your roommate by the way?” he questions.

“Dunno, he likes to disappear sometimes. Why, are you jealous?” Yahaba teases, sitting down next to Kyoutani.

“Definitely not, living with you would be a nightmare”

“Good” Yahaba grins, and leans closer. “Cause I think I got my sights set on someone now.”

“Really?” Kyoutani questions, mirroring Yahaba. “Who?”

“I’ll give you a hint” Yahaba whispers, closing the distance. Kyoutani dimly realizes that there’s barely even an inch between them now.

The shrill ringing of Yahaba’s phone breaks them apart as if they’d been electrocuted.

“Fuck” Kyoutani mutters. He can already cue the Yahaba freakout in 3,2- 

“Sorry!” Yahaba squeaks, hands flying up to cover his face. “I’ll just, uh. Go ahead and um..yeah” 

“yeah” Kyoutani echoes, weakly, watching Yahaba awkwardly waddle away in the direction of his phone.

When Yahaba returns, less than five minutes later, he sits back in his original place, not meeting eyes with Kyoutani. The silence stretches on, and the exact situation they’re in soon becomes apparent.

“I like you.” Kyoutani eventually blurts out, before he can stop himself.

Yahaba jumps, and looks at him in genuine surprise, flushing red. Soon enough, a smile begins to overtake his features. “I was wondering when you’d admit it.”

Kyoutani snorts, but there’s no phone stopping him this time when he leans in.

* * *

“You’ve come a long way.” Oikawa comments from across the table, leaning slightly on Iwaizumi. “I almost feel like a proud parent.” 

“You’d be an awful parent” Hanamaki observes, causing the rest of the table to laugh.

“Rude! I’d only be an awful parent if I had an awful kid, like you!” 

Matsukawa smiles “You both have the mental capacity of an eight year old” 

“Agreed.” Iwaizumi sighs. “I have to agree with Oikawa’s original statement, Kyoutani. It’s almost like watching you grow up.” 

“Thank you” 

“How come you responded to him, and not me?!” Oikawa demands

Yahaba stands suddenly, and stretches. “I’ll step out for a minute, the air in here is way too suffocating” he says, nudging past Kyoutani and Hanamaki.

“He alright?” Someone asks. 

“Don’t know.” Iwaizumi answers. “Why don’t you go check, Kyoutani?”

The air is gradually warming up, he doesn’t even shiver when he walks outside anymore. Yahaba is leaning against a wall a few feet away, face tipped up to the sky and eyes closed.

Kyoutani clears his throat just loud enough for the other to hear, and Yahaba opens his eyes and stares at Kyoutani. “Oh? Did something happen?”

“I should be asking you that, are you alright?” Kyoutani prods.

“I’m fine” Yahaba says, smiling slightly. “I’m just thinking, is all” 

“What about?” 

Yahaba shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Everything just seems to be going too good lately, you know? I just want to know if we’ll all be okay.”

Kyoutani thinks back to the bar, to Oikawa and company sitting in a circle, all talking and laughing, while Ukai cleans and Hinata and Kageyama argue (or escape to the break room to do things that Kyoutani doesn’t even want to think about). He thinks back to their first kiss, their first fight, to everything that led up to those moments.

He walks over and presses a chaste kiss to Yahaba’s cheek. “We’ll be alright. Even if we’re not, we’ll be alright. Let’s go back inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I actually finished this, thank you to everyone who stuck by from the beginning, and thanks to those who didn't, but read anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> HMU With any suggestions for how to better word this, I'm new to writing Kyoutani's character. All the tagged characters and relationships will show up, the chapters are going to be about 2k words long, and I will update fairly often! I hope you enjoy reading! 
> 
> Title is from Cold Cold Cold by Cage the Elephant, Chapter title is from Climbing Up The Walls by Radiohead


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